And The Silence Is Deafening

One of the really strange things about writing is just how solitary the experience is.   I finished my read through yesterday, and while I am hesitant to go into the details (obviously I am biased, and besides, why start jinxing everything now?) I will say I am excited.  Very excited.  Like, "hmm...I think I might have just uncovered the secret to cold fusion" excited.

Finishing my read through yesterday afternoon was the equivalent of seeing a prototype system spark to life for the first time on my old engineering bench.  There is just a mixture of relief, exhilaration, and unbridled glee as this little project that existed only in your own mind for so long becomes officially "real" and starts doing all the things you hoped it would.

In the engineering world, a moment like this is usually shared with people around you.  There are cheers, hearty claps on the back, and celebratory lunches.  People from other departments come over to see what all the fuss is about and offer their congratulations.  Managers escort the corporate suits over to have a look at your creation in its infant form (sometimes taking a little more of the credit than they should, but who cares).  And while you know you are a long way from finished (tests need to be done, algorithms perfected, reliability issues discovered and repaired), you get to enjoy an awesome moment of accomplishment and pride.

In contrast to that, I find myself alone this morning in my basement, my happy little manuscript by my side and a nifty red pen ready for my hand.  Even though the story I tried so hard to tell--and secretly feared I wouldn't be able to tell--is now real and tangible, there is just no one around to share that with.  Those around me can be happy for me and offer kind words, but being so outside the process, they can't really share the experience or truly "get" the sheer, raw awesomeness of what I am finally holding in my hands.

I just celebrate in silence--feeling a little silly for it, despite my best efforts--and ready myself for the work I still have ahead of me.  The work is far from over, and now that my little creation has a heartbeat, I am more determined than ever to see it through.  Still, a small part of me longs to head out for an ice cream (on the boss, of course) like in the old days.

Oh well.  This is life we have chosen...and I certainly wouldn't trade back for anything.

Comments

[you sey wife]

Looking really forward to reading it!