An oddly unsettling conversation with the pile of unread manuscript pages sitting on the edge of my desk in my office:
PAGES: Hey, writer-guy...remember us?
ME: Yeah, I am going to get to revising you really soon.
PAGES: Really? Soon? Isn't that what you said a *week* ago when you printed us out?
ME: No way, it hasn't been a week...has it?
PAGES: Actually we're pretty sure it's been more. We were just rounding down as not to be rude.
ME: Oh. Well, I'll get to you tomorrow.
PAGES: You said that yesterday.
ME: Right...but I mean it this time. Really, I promise.
PAGES: Dude, could we, like, have a real moment here?
ME: I guess...though talking to a pile of paper is starting to feel a little weird.
PAGES: Look, we've all been talking it over and, well, we're all pretty sure we could be awesome. Like *seriously* awesome.
ME: I think so too! I mean I am really proud of--
PAGES: Yeah, the thing is while we *could* be awesome--like *awesomely* awesome--at the moment we are pretty freaking far from awesome!
ME: Wow...did you just do a censored Pulp Fiction reference? That's kind of lame. I'm pretty sure you need to use "okay" in there for people to get it. And if you want to say "fuck" just say it, don't be PG-13. We've talked about this.
PAGES: Yeah, do you see why we need you? All of us read like that. We need polish, damn it!
ME: Okay, okay...I'll see your point, I'll get to you. Very soon.
PAGES: What's going on with you, man? Where's the fire? Where's the passion?
ME: It's here. I want to get working on you...I don't know...I just...I can't get started. What if I can't get you where you need to be? What if I just screw this up completely? What if I just waste the next eight weeks rewriting another book that will never be good enough to publish?
PAGES: You're over thinking this. Just take us one page at a time. You're great at tightening and polishing. You do it almost every day.
ME: That's different. Tech writing is flat. It doesn’t need the feel and nuance that fiction does.
PAGES: What? Come on, all the feel is already here! What about that scene on the boat...that's awesome! So much better than you hoped it would be. And what about--
ME: I know, I know...you're good. Really, really good.
PAGES: And you're money, dude. You are so money and you don't even know it! And all those agents in New York? Just scared little bunny rabbits.
ME: Wow, a Swingers reference. Nicely executed, but no one is going to get it.
PAGES: The right people will get it.
ME: Okay, I'll give you that.
PAGES: C'mon, man...make us awesome. Do that cool writer stuff you do with the red pen and the twirling in your chair and the pounding excitedly on the desk when the perfect word comes...
ME: All right, I hear you. Time to jump in. Enough stalling.
PAGES: Money, dude, so money.
You are good!
:)
Posted by: Kim | 02/18/2009 at 08:22 AM